Uh-Oh.

I apologize for being unable to post the last few weeks, I was on vacation and had no access to my computer (or sadly, my Bible) and last week I came home to find that my computer would not connect to the internet. Believe me, I did want to post, but it just wouldn't work properly. I don't know what's changed, but I'm online now and I'm hoping that you're still with me.

Beresheet (Genesis) 42:1-2 "When Jacob saw that there was grain in Egypt, Jacob said to his sons, 'Why do you look at one another?' And he said, 'Indeed I have heard that there is grain in Egypt; go down to that place and buy for us there, that we may live and not die.'"

Have you ever had a chore to do that you hesitated about before being told by your mom "Hey! What are you standing around for? Get it done!" That's pretty much what Jacob's telling his sons.

Beresheet 42:3-5 "So Joseph's ten brothers went down to buy grain in Egypt. But Jacob did not send Joseph's brother Benjamin with his brothers, for he said, 'Lest some calamity befall him.' And the sons of Israel went to buy grain among those who journeyed, for the famine was in the land of Canaan."

It's been years since Joseph was lost. YEARS. He was seventeen when he was taken, yes? Last chapter said he was thirty when he stood before Pharaoh. That's thirteen years gone. Benjamin is at least thirteen, probably closer to fifteen or seventeen. He should have been allowed to run around and play with his brothers and children from neighboring camps and enjoy his childhood. With Joseph gone at seventeen though, supposedly eaten by wolves, how do you think that impacted Rachel's only remaining son, Benjamin? Want to bet he didn't get to hang out in the fields much or at all? That he spent his days being supervised by his depressed father? Do you think his brothers resented him for this like they resented Joseph?

Beresheet 42:6-7 "Now Joseph was governor over the land; and it was he who sold to all the people of the land. And Joseph's brothers came and bowed down before him with their faces to the earth. Joseph saw his brothers and recognized them, but he acted as a stranger to them and spoke roughly to them. Then he said to them, 'Where do you come from?' And they said, 'From the land of Canaan to buy food.'"

Ok, in the USA, you have parents who preside over their household. You have mayors who preside over a city's worth of houses. You have governors who preside over a state's worth of houses, and the president who presides over a country's worth of houses. Consider that Egypt wasn't divided into states, and the governor is a mighty powerful man, just as much as the Pharaoh.

Beresheet 42:8-9 "So Joseph recognized his brothers, but they did not recognize him. Then Joseph remembered the dreams which he had dreamed about them, and said to them, 'You are spies! You have come to see the nakedness of the land!'"

...What? He knows they're not spies. Theoretically, if they were spies, now would be a perfect time to spy on Egypt considering they weren't exactly producing any new food. They'd be able to last a siege, but not more than the seven year limit Joseph predicted. But they're not spies. So what's up with Joseph? Revenge?

Beresheet 42:10-12 "And they said to him, 'No my lord, but your servants have come to buy food. We are all one man's sons; we are honest men; your servants are not spies.' But he said to them, 'No, but you have come to see the nakedness of the land.'"

Again, theoretically, if they were spies, Joseph could easily respond "That's what they all say." ...But they're not spies. Joseph doesn't have to outwardly believe them, but again, what??

Beresheet 42:13-17 "And they said, 'Your servants are twelve brothers, the sons of one man in the land of Canaan; and in fact, the youngest is with our father today, and one is no more.' But Joseph said to them, 'It is as I spoke to you, saying, "You are spies!" In this manner you shall be tested: By the life of Pharaoh, you shall not leave this place unless your youngest brother comes here. Send one of you, and let him bring your brother; and you shall be kept in prison, that your words may be tested to see whether there is any truth in you; or else, by the life of Pharaoh, surely you are spies!' So he put them all together in prison three days."

I understand his possible justification for this treatment of his brothers (they did sell him into slavery...), but honestly, it's been thirteen years!!

Beresheet 42:18-20 "Then Joseph said to them the third day, 'Do this and live, for I fear Elohim: If you are honest men, let one of your brothers be confined to your prison house; but you, go and carry grain for the famine of your houses. And bring your youngest brother to me; so your words will be verified, and you shall not die.' And they did so."

Well, he changed the deal a little bit; rather than send one, it's keep one and send the rest. He's probably cooled off a bit... Maybe. A little.

Beresheet 42:21-24 "Then they said to one another, 'We are truly guilty concerning our brother, for we saw the anguish of his soul when he pleaded with us, and we would not hear; therefore this distress has come upon us.' And Reuben answered them, saying, 'Did I not speak to you, saying, "Do not sin against the boy"; and you would not listen? Therefore behold, his blood is now required of us.' But they did not know that Joseph understood them, for he spoke to them through an interpreter. And he turned himself away from them and wept. Then he returned to them again, and talked with them. And he took Simeon from them and bound him before their eyes."

It's been thirteen years and the guilt is still fresh in their minds. Also, even though Reuben has messed up in the past just as much as any of the others, he's showing his big brother status. For a really long time, I thought Judah was the eldest brother, since everyone always made such a big deal out of him (and his family really was a pretty big deal), but reading this, I'm reminded that it was Reuben. I'm an eldest sibling, and I've told my younger sibs similar stuff ("Didn't I tell you not to hang upside down from the monkey bars??") because when the parents aren't around, I'm kinda the substitute parent. I don't have the authority they do (and apparently neither did Reuben), but I'm there for my sibs and I occasionally hold them accountable for the stupid stuff they do (again, like Reuben).

Beresheet 42:25-28 "Then Joseph gave a command to fill their sacks with grain, to restore every man's money to his sack, and to give them provisions for the journey. Thus he did for them. So they loaded their donkeys with the grain and departed from there. But as one of them opened his sack to give his donkey feed at the encampment, he saw his money; and there it was, in the mouth of his sack. So he said to his brothers, 'My money has been restored, and there it is, in my sack!' Then their hearts failed them and they were afraid, saying to one another, 'What is this that Elohim has done to us?'"

You know that sinking stomach / OMG feeling you get when you flunk a test and you know your parents will find out? That you just messed up your chances of getting in at the school you want? That you know you'll see that bully you punched out the day before? That your boss fired you and you still have payments to make on your car? That you have a super important meeting to get to but you forgot to turn off the headlights before you parked your parents car (cause yours got repo'd) and it's out of batteries? When your video game takes you to a major boss you have to take down, but you just sold all your extra health packs? When you find you forgot to pay for your lunch and you somehow know the store won't be forgiving? Imagine all this happens in one day, multiply it by pi, double it, and resist the urge to pass out. That terrible feeling, like your insides just sank down into a pit, is kinda like what Joseph's bros are feeling right now. They know that the penalty for stealing food during a famine is not just a skip in the park. Wanna bet they don't wanna go back?

Beresheet 42:29-34 "Then they went to Jacob their father in the land of  Canaan and told him all that had happened to them, saying: 'The man who is lord of the land spoke roughly to us, and took us for spies of the country. But we said to him, "We are honest men; we are not spies. We are twelve brothers, sons of our father; one is no more, and the youngest is with our father this day in the land of Canaan." Then the man, the lord of the country, said to us, "By this I will know that you are honest men: Leave one of your brothers here with me, take food for the famine of your households, and be gone. And bring your youngest brother to me; so I shall know that you are not spies, but that you are honest men. I will grant your brother to you, and you may trade in the land."'"

Imagine Jacob's face as he hears that to get one son back, he must give up his most precious one.

Beresheet 42:35-36 "Then it happened as they emptied their sacks, that surprisingly each man's bundle of money was in his sack; and when they and their father saw the bundles of money, they were afraid. And Jacob their father said to them, 'You have bereaved me: Joseph is no more, Simeon is no more, and you want to take Benjamin. All these things are against me.'"

Jacob's forgetting that now ten of his sons believe they're wanted men; fugitives for stealing grain. And they have big families. They'll need more grain.

Beresheet 42:37-38 "Then Reuben spoke to his father, saying, 'Kill my two sons if I do not bring him back to you; put him in my hands, and I will bring him back to you.' But he said, 'My son shall not go down with you, for his brother is dead, and he is left alone. If any calamity should befall him along the way in which you go, then you would bring down my gray hair with sorrow to the grave.'"

He would rather have Simeon rot in jail for the rest of his life than let Reuben take his youngest sibling on a road trip. How about that.

I have a song for you, "When the Tears Fall" by Newsboys. Consider this while you listen; the man you know as Jesus (I know him as Yeshua or Yehushua) was not yet born when this was happening. Jacob didn't have the comfort of knowing that no matter what happens, He would be there for him. He didn't trust that Benjamin would return home safe. He was depressed and there were no pills for it. Also, I'm running out of sad songs, so things had better start looking up soon!